Committee for Children Blog

Everybody Needs a Little SEL

This week’s blog comes to us from Senior Outreach Representative Amy Walker.

Amy Walker

During the seven years I’ve worked for Committee for Children, I’ve found that when people (including me) see words like “violence prevention,” they tend to think that such programs are for poor kids who live in communities riddled with drugs and gangs who are being raised by struggling single moms holding their families together by a thread. But regardless of what type of community you grew up in or live in now, you’ll find that this belief could not be farther from the truth. Because although social and emotional skills have been shown to reduce violence and child abuse, they do so much more.

Every single one of us needs to know how to get along with others, treat people with respect, take a few deep breaths when we are angry, say “no” to an overly affectionate babysitter or, later on, a pushy boyfriend. We need to know that we are all equal and deserve to be treated as such, that if you have done something wrong you should apologize, and that, whether you are competing for a turn on the monkey bars, arguing with your sister over who gets to wear a pair of shoes your mom bought at the Goodwill, or competing for a spot at an Ivy League college, you should know how to play fair and be nice.

Chances are, we wouldn’t have any of the things we value most in our lives if we didn’t have social and emotional skills. Some of us learn these skills from our parents, our coaches, our ministers, or our grandmas. Some of us learn them at school from programs like ours. Some of us learn them from the school of hard knocks. But many of us never do learn them. So ask yourself:

  • Could you have a good marriage or long-term relationship if you didn’t have the ability to take another person’s perspective?

  • Could you be a good mom if you couldn’t calm down when you were angry?

  • Could you buy a home or save the deposit for an apartment if you couldn’t control the impulse to spend all the money you earn?

  • Could you hold down a job if you couldn’t get along with your co-workers?

If you look back at the events of the past decade you can see that, in many cases, our politicians and corporate leaders could use some social and emotional skills. We all need these skills, but some of us can do more damage on a bigger scale than others if we don’t have them. There are very few things that everyone in our society would agree on, but I bet there isn’t a person out there who would dispute the belief that you aren’t going to have a very good life if you can’t get along with other people.

The good news is that we have the research to show what it takes to teach our children how to do this and give them the foundation they need to thrive—not just in school, but in life.