Child Abuse

Practicing Safety Rules and Assertiveness
Research shows that children are more likely to remember rules and safety steps if they keep practicing them. Here are some suggestions for how to do this.

Review Rules Regularly
Remind your children frequently of the rules. In particular, review the Always Ask First Rule and the Touching Safety Rule. In addition, remind your child that:

It is never a child's fault if someone else breaks the Touching Safety Rule.
He or she should never keep secrets about touching.
It is never too late to tell about a touching problem.

Practice the “Always Ask First” Rule
Children need to practice using the Always Ask First Rule. Ask your child to demonstrate what he or she would do in the following situations.

What would you do if someone you know offered you a ride home?
What would you do if you were in the park and someone you don't know asked you to help look for a lost ball or even a puppy or kitten?
What would you do if your coach wanted to give you an unexpected present?
What would you do if a neighbor wanted you to go to his house and have a snack?

Remind your children that it doesn't matter if the person is someone they know, but that they must always ask first. With an older child or a teenager, the rule can be adapted to "always check in" so that you know where they are and who they are with.

Practice with “What If?”
You can practice the safety steps with family safety rules using pretend situations and "what if" questions. You can call it the "what if" game to make it a fun learning experience. Start with questions about non-touching situations, such as:

What would you do if your friend wanted you to play with matches?
What would you do if someone wanted you to touch a gun?
What would you do if someone dared you to jump in the river?

Practice means not just describing what to do, but actually doing it. Have your children act out what they would do, actually saying the words that mean "No," getting away, and then telling a trusted adult. Have your children practice the words they would use to tell. Ask: "What else could you say?" "How else could you get away?" "Whom else could you tell?"

When your children are comfortable with non-touching situations, extend the practice to include touching situations. The more concrete you can make the situations, the easier it is for a child to understand. Make sure that the pretend situations include some people they know (babysitter, relative, neighbor) as well as people they don't know. Here are some examples to get you started.

What would you do if a babysitter wanted to play a touching game with you?
What would you do if a bigger child who lives in our neighborhood grabbed your private parts while playing a game with you?
What would you do if someone you knew and liked broke our "touching safety" rule?

Continue helping your children practice using these skills by suggesting other "what if" questions. Encourage your children to come up with "what if" questions too. Accept any of their suggestions and discuss and practice what they should do. Do not make fun of your children's ideas. Instead, use the ideas as an opportunity to learn how your children see the world and situations they might be worried about. Help them find other ways to respond that are safe for them.

If children really rehearse the safety steps, they will be confident in actually following them if they need to.

Teach Assertiveness Skills
Children who are assertive are more able to use the safety steps effectively and resist unsafe situations. Teach assertiveness at the same time as you practice "what if" situations.

Being assertive means being able to stand up for yourself without being mean or hurting someone. Assertive behavior includes the following:

Standing up straight.
Looking right at someone.
Using a strong, clear voice.

Learning to be assertive takes time. Whenever your child is practicing saying words that mean "No," encourage him or her to be assertive. Check to see that your child stands tall, looks directly at you, and says "No" in a strong voice. Let your child know which parts she or he is doing well and which parts need more practice.

By Bridgid Normand, M.Ed.
Program Developer
Committee for Children

Safety Steps

Issues & Actions

Child Abuse