Child Abuse
Preventing Sexual Harassment and Date Rape
For young people, the teen years are all about change. They push for greater independence. Their bodies mature physically and sexually. Their curiosity about sexuality increases dramatically. All of these changes can make teens more vulnerable to sexual harassment and sexual assault, including date rape. It is important to make sure that your teens have information and skills to help them stay safe. Remind them that:
- Sexual abuse happens to teenage girls and boys.
- It is never their fault if they are sexually abused.
- They should tell a trusted adult if they are sexually abused in any way.
Make sure that your teenagers understand what sexual harassment is and what they can do about it. Tell them:
- Sexual harassment is any verbal, physical, or nonverbal conduct toward another person (male or female) with a sexual undertone that is unwanted, intimidating, alarming, or annoying. It includes gestures, comments, touches, and looks.
- Sexual harassment is illegal.
Schools are liable for harassment that occurs on the premises. If the incident is not addressed in a satisfactory manner, you can pursue legal action against the school to protect your child. Contact the Office for Civil Rights at the U.S. Department of Education for assistance.
Preventing Date Rape
As with sexual abuse, both boys and girls can be victims of sexual assault. When rape occurs, the rapist is usually an acquaintance, a friend, or a date. Even though people know that forced sexual intercourse is rape, they often think it is not considered rape if it is happens on a date.
It is very important to discuss sexual violence and date rape with your teens. When teens experience violence in an ongoing relationship they are apt not to tell if they think it is their fault. Teens need to know that they should not accept any form of violence, that sexual violence is never their fault, and that they can come to you for help. Ideally, teens should:
- Know their own wishes, limits, and values, and clearly communicate them to their dates. They should listen to their dates' limits and respect them.
- Notice if their date is not respecting their limits and wishes or if their date's behavior doesn't seem right.
- Trust their feelings and intuition; if they are feeling pressured into sex, they're right. Both boys and girls have the right to say "no."
- Be assertive and act immediately if their limits are reached-even if it means making a scene.
- Understand that it is never too late to say "no" and never too late to hear "no."
- Avoid drugs or alcohol. Substance use reduces one's ability to think clearly and manage one's behavior. It makes it harder to resist sexual aggression.
- When at a party, girls should always pour their own beverages and keep them within sight. Date-rape drugs can be put in drinks and are often undetectable. These drugs can induce a loss of muscle control and consciousness. They also affect memory.
- Meet a date in a public place or stay around others. Avoid isolation and darkness, especially at the beginning of a new relationship.
- Tell someone about the date, where it will take place, and what time it will end. Take a cell phone along if possible and leave the number with someone who can call if he or she gets worried.
- Go to parties with a buddy and look after each other. Always have a way home.
- Avoid drugs and alcohol. These can lead to sexual aggression and reduced ability to respond respectfully to a date.
- Accept that "no" means "no." If a girl says "no" and a boy continues to force intercourse, it is rape. This is true even if he spends a lot of money on his date, she is dressed suggestively, or she is drunk. It is rape even if the couple has been dating for a long time or she agreed to sex before.
By Bridgid Normand, M.Ed.
Program Developer
Committee for Children