Bullying
Trainers Answer Five Top Bullying Questions
Here are the top five questions (and their answers) from STEPS TO RESPECT trainings. If other educators are wondering, chances are you or your colleagues are too.
Q. What do you do about children who tattle a lot?
A. In STEPS TO RESPECT lessons, children are taught to report any bullying they see or experience to a trusted adult. In some cases, however, what children perceive as "bullying" and "reporting" really falls under the category of "tattling." For example, "Jimmy is using the markers when we're supposed to be using crayons;" or, "Sally didn't wait her turn at the drinking fountain." In STEPS TO RESPECT lessons, we teach that tattling is when a student tries to get someone in trouble, and reporting is when a student tries to keep someone safe.
We can use the definitions for bullying, tattling, and reporting to help children assess whether it's a bullying situation or not. If it is bullying and the child feels safe doing so, we can support the child in using assertive responses to refuse the bullying. If it's not a bullying situation, we can let the child know why it isn't considered bullying. We've spoken to many primary teachers who like the children's books "Tattlin' Madeline" by Carol Cummings and "Armadillo Tattletale" by Helen Ketteman and Keith Graves. Both books further reinforce the differences between tattling and reporting.
Q. I know children don't deserve to be bullied, but what about those children who provoke others all the time? It seems like they're asking to be bullied.
A. The STEPS TO RESPECT program is designed to help us support all children involved in bullying situations. Children who are bullied will need a lot of support to learn and use new behaviors in these situations. The longer children continue to use their old behaviors, the more difficult it might become for them to respond effectively to bullying.
Through the student lessons, children learn refusal skills, including assertiveness, communication, and labeling bullying behavior. If you are coaching students who have been bullied, you can offer some additional practice of these skills during the coaching session.
The coaching session might also be a time to work on changing the provocative behaviors you referred to, but be careful not to let the student think he or she is to blame for the bullying. Again, no one deserves to be bullied. You may also find that some students may have more serious problems that require referral to the school counselor or other support staff.
Q. When coaching a child who has been bullying, what do you do when he or she denies it?
A. This is a common reaction that children will have when they feel they are "in trouble." We need to keep the coaching session positive and productive by focusing on how we can help the child change behaviors, and therefore help them be more successful in school.
You might try using language that lets them know you're there to help, and try to move the coaching session forward by focusing on future behavior. One principal told us about the following technique that she uses with much success: "It's other people's perception that you've been bullying, and I want to help you make sure that doesn't happen again."
Another teacher told us about a technique she uses called the "Sticky Note Story Line." The teacher who will be coaching the student accused of bullying creates two sticky notes, for example: "Jolene came in crying from recess" and "You are sitting here saying nothing happened." The teacher then passes the two sticky notes to the child and asks him/her to fill in any blanks. Slowly but surely, bits of information come out.
Q. What about when parents tell their children to fight back?
A. First and foremost, we must empathize with these parents. They don't want their children to be victimized, and they might not trust the school to keep their children safe. It is critical that we let the parents know exactly what we're doing to keep their children feeling safe and respected.
We need to make sure we're informing parents about the specifics of the program and about any policies and procedures our school has adopted to address bullying. We also need to stress to the parents that we are teaching children to stand up for themselves in a manner that is appropriate for school.
Q. How do you find time to coach?
A. Ideally, teachers should coach the students involved in the bullying incident within 24 hours of receiving the report. Because coaching involves private meetings with all students involved, finding the time and space to conduct the sessions can be challenging.
A teacher might ask the counselor or principal to come in and watch the class while she/he does the coaching; or a teacher might provide coaching before or after school, or at the beginning or end of a lunch or recess break. Many schools also have designated "back-up coaches" who take over if the teacher cannot get to the coaching within 24 hours. This person might be the counselor, assistant principal, resource teacher, or school nurse.
Any other questions you'd like answered? Send us an email.
Steve Plunk and Corrina Skildum
Trainers
Committee for Children
