SECOND STEP E-Newsletter
August 2010
A Little Help from My Friends: The Role of Friendship in Making School a Safer, More Productive Place
For some children, making and keeping friends is almost effortless. They join in activities appropriately, share and take turns, exhibit good sportsmanship, show they care, and apologize and make amends when necessary. For others, these skills are harder to master. At a time when tight district budgets are resulting in school closures, and layoffs and personal finances are causing families to move and children to be placed in new schools—sometimes mid-year—children’s friendship skills may mean the difference between a successful, happy school experience and a miserable one, socially and academically.
The reality is that social and emotional skills, such as the ability to develop positive relationships, are among the most valuable lessons children can learn. Research shows important connections between children's social and emotional competence and academic performance. In addition, educators who are successful in their bullying prevention efforts focus on the social, emotional, and moral climate of the school, as well as the social and emotional competence of students. In other words, it seems that children who know how to get along with one another contribute to a positive school climate.
Committee for Children’s research-based SECOND STEP and STEPS TO RESPECT programs place a strong emphasis on friendship skills. The SECOND STEP program helps students make good choices, develop strong bonds to school, solve problems, manage anger, and get along with others. The STEPS TO RESPECT program teaches students to recognize, refuse, and report bullying; be assertive; and build friendships. In fact, the STEPS TO RESPECT program’s focus on friendship is based on research showing that friendship protects children from the harmful effects of bullying. These skills are not just social niceties; they support academics and a positive school climate.
Other experts in the field of social and emotional learning concur:
- Barbara Coloroso, author of The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander, believes that one of the steps necessary for building a positive school climate is teaching friendship skills: “There are three antidotes to bullying: a strong sense of self, being a good friend, and having friends. Many who bully or are bullied lack friendship skills. Educators, parents, and other leaders can help break the bullying cycle by both teaching and modeling skills about how to be a friend and make friends.”
- According to the Center for Social and Emotional Education (CSEE), “Interpersonal relationships are the foundation for learning and human development” and “...there is a growing awareness that we can and need to support healthy, safe, engaged relationships that provide the optimal foundation for learning.”
- Extensive research by the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) shows that two of the five core categories of interrelated social and emotional competencies are social awareness and relationship skills.
- In the journal Infants & Young Children, Carolyn Webster-Stratton, Ph.D., and Jamila M. Reid, Ph.D., write: “The ability of young children to manage their emotions and behaviors and to make meaningful friendships is an important prerequisite for school readiness and academic success. Socially competent children are also more academically successful, and poor social skills are a strong predictor of academic failure.”
As mentioned earlier, friendship skills don’t always come naturally. Classroom-tested SEL curricula such as the SECOND STEP and STEPS TO RESPECT programs have been shown to improve important prosocial skills and behaviors. Children can learn how to make and keep friends. Mastering these skills will serve children throughout their lives as they undergo changes and challenges.
Virtually all the lessons in the SECOND STEP and STEPS TO RESPECT programs contribute to friendship-building. The following is just a sampling of the skills that can be applied to making and keeping friends, thus creating a safer, more productive school environment. The lessons progress developmentally, and children review and build on the skills as they move through the program.
The SECOND STEP Program
Preschool/Kindergarten: Using words and actions to show that you care; understanding that some actions are accidental; understanding that fair ways to play promote fun; joining in.
Grade 1: Using situational, physical, and verbal cues to identify others’ feelings; predicting other people’s feelings as a result of our own or others’ actions; recognizing that people can have different feelings about the same situation; dealing with wanting something that isn’t yours; keeping out of a fight.
Grade 2: Joining a group; sportsmanship; intentions (“being aware of not attributing hostile intent”); recognizing others’ rights and offering fair solutions to problems; getting along with others by making apologies and offering to make amends; dealing with being left out using the problem-solving process.
Grade 3: Active listening; accepting differences; making conversation.
Grade 4: Keeping a promise; taking responsibility for your actions.
Grade 5: Communicating feelings and giving support; dealing with gossip.
Middle school: “Friends and Allies”—applying empathy and active listening skills; identifying ways to make friends and join groups; defining the term “ally” and identifying when and how to be one; giving and getting support; handling a grievance; negotiating and compromising; understanding what to do about bullying within relationships.
The STEPS TO RESPECT Program
Grades 3–6: Understanding that friendship begins with respect; making conversation and finding things in common; dealing with conflict between friends; joining in; learning that put-downs hurt; recognizing, refusing, and reporting bullying; maintaining a safe, caring, respectful school community.
Beyond the Classroom
Educators, parents, and caregivers can encourage children to extend their learning beyond the school day by reading about how other children navigate friendships. Children’s authors tend to keep up with the issues of the day. A quick perusal of local library or bookstore offerings will usually reveal families’ current concerns. Children’s fiction such as Dexter the Tough, Just Kidding, The Brand-New Kid, and No Castles Here all deal with the need for friendship skills when meeting the challenges of school and life changes. A friend is more than just someone with whom to play ball or share secrets. Friendship can make all the difference in a changing world.
