SECOND STEP E-Newsletter
December 2010
Am I Cyber Bullying?
How to Help Upper-Elementary and Middle School Students Understand Which Behaviors Are Considered Cyber Bullying
Me? A bully? No way!
Most kids would be shocked to be accused of cyber bullying, insisting instead that what happens between them and their peers online is all in fun, not serious, and never intended to hurt. But up to 40 percent of youth report being teased online. The question is, how does one know if she or he is cyber bullying others?
Committee for Children defines cyber bullying as “when one or more people repeatedly harm, harass, intimidate, or exclude another person using technology.” But if the interpretation is left to upper-elementary and middle school students, will they be able to identify their own behaviors as cyber bullying? Maybe not. Even Internet service providers, teachers, lawyers, and other professionals don’t always agree on what constitutes cyber bullying. Until there are official "rules," Internet users’ best defense against hurting others might just be good old-fashioned common sense and an awareness of responsibility toward others.
So…Am I Bullying?
Netiquette—rules for the proper way to behave when using digital media—can be subtle. There is sometimes a fine line between bullying and misunderstanding. There’s also a temptation to believe that cyber bullying is not “real life.” Users of cell phones or interactive Internet sites for chatting, games, social media, or texting should regularly ask themselves a basic check-in question: Am I saying anything to anyone online that I wouldn’t say to them in person with my parents in the room? Another question to ask oneself: How would I feel if someone said the same things to or about me that I’m saying to or about them?
Cyberspace is constantly changing, presenting new ways to interact with peers known and unknown. To help young Internet users understand what is and is not cyber bullying, teachers or parents can open up a dialogue that should remain open, using the following questions as starting points.
Ask yourself...
- Have I ever started rumors about somebody online or spread secrets to play a prank?
- Do I ever say untrue or mean things about other people online, even my friends?
- Have I pretended to be someone else I know online to play a prank, reveal secrets, or start rumors about that person?
- Have I forwarded someone’s personal message to others to reveal personal information or start rumors?
- Have I set up an online rating system of other kids’ popularity or cuteness?
- Have I broken into someone’s account to get their password?
- Have I flooded a chat room or mailbox with mean or untrue messages about somebody else?
- Have I encouraged others to ignore or “block” someone from friendship links or chats?
The above behaviors are often cyber bullying behaviors, even when they are done in the name of fun.
But I’m not actually bullying anyone myself...
Increasingly, children find themselves in the position of witnessing online bullying. They receive forwarded messages or links to hurtful Web sites, or they are asked to digitally snub a friend by ignoring instant messages or texts. Their response is what makes the difference between being a helpful or a harmful bystander.
Bystanders to cyber bullying wield a surprising amount of power. Picture this scenario. A sixth-grader receives a link to a Web site a friend has set up with cruel comments about and photos of another classmate. The bystander, like a superhero, can now use his powers for right or wrong, good or evil (in superhero-speak). By quietly, even uncomfortably, seeing the site and doing nothing, the bystander is doing something: making a choice not to help. But by recognizing that this behavior is wrong, standing up to the instigator, reporting the site to an adult who can help, and/or refusing to forward the link to anyone else, the bystander can make a big difference in improving the situation for cyber bullying targets. Also, offering your support and friendship to people who are cyber bullied can be a big help too.
Children who believe they are not actively bullying should ask themselves the following:
When I see hurtful behavior online, do I...
- Laugh?
- Forward the message or link?
- Accept the behavior just to fit in?
These are cyber bullying behaviors, too, even if you are not initiating the messages or creating the content. Even when you are not doing the actual bullying, these behaviors make you a bystander, and this is prt of the problem of cyber bullying too.
Real-Life Cyberspace Examples
Upper-elementary and middle-school-aged students will also find it helpful to hear examples. They may even suggest some themselves, based on their own experiences. If you are going to ask students to share examples of cyber bullying, create this rule too: No name are allowed to be used when students give examples of cyber bullying.
Here are a few common, generic ones:
- After a fight between best friends, one girl tells their other friends not to respond to the first girl’s text messages and to block her from their IMs. (exclusion)
- In a game, a higher-level player deliberately and repeatedly attacks a “newbie” or someone much weaker, preventing the newbie from playing. (attacking)
- Someone hacks into another student’s Facebook account and updates her status with a crude, pornographic comment. (denigration or “dissing”)
- One boy, in an ongoing conversation with a friend, e-mails a secret about his family, believing his friend will respect his privacy. Instead, the friend forwards the message to everyone they both know. (outing)
Digital Community Policies: These Rules Are Not Made to Be Broken
Whyville, Facebook, MySpace, Blackberry, Club Penguin, Webkinz, iPhone...the number of digital communities today is virtually endless (yes, pun intended). Each of these sites and devices has a policy on netiquette. Unfortunately, the games and interactions within each community do not always lend themselves to good citizenship. Participants must not wait for moderators, parents, or teachers to issue temporary or permanent bans on use or play. It is up to every member of every community—real world and cyber world alike—to apply the same measure of respect to others as they would wish for themselves.
Additional Resources
http://webhost.bridgew.edu/marc/marc%20cyberbullying.pdf
http://www.cfchildren.org/programs/hot-topics/cyberbullying/stop-bullying-from-being-a-click-away/
http://www.cyberbully.org/cyberbully/docs/cbcteducator.pdf
http://www.girlshealth.gov/bullying/whatis/cyberbully.cfm
http://www.wiredkids.org/ktt_universal/games/javascript/cyberbullying_quiz_1/index.html
MacEachern, Robyn (2008). Cyberbullying: Deal with It and Ctrl Alt Delete It. Illustrated by Geraldine Charette. James Lorimer and Company Ltd., Publishers, Toronto.
