How I Stopped Bullying (Part 2 of 2) | By: Committee for Children Today's blog was written by Media Producer Preben Borch. Months into my bullying of John, he taught me one of the most important lessons of my young life. Maybe he had a wise adult in his life who guided him, or maybe John himself was wise beyond his years. What he did was call my bluff, which had come in the form of threats to physically fight him. Now, I had never been in a physical fight in my life, but I had been threatening one for a while because it was intimidating to him. When he said something like “OK, I’ll fight you, today after school,” I felt I had no choice. After all, it was my idea, my threat, my fight. In order to hang on to the power dynamic and my place in the group, I had to do it. But I was terrified. The truth was, I wanted no part of a fight and I didn’t really have a quarrel with John. My whole treatment of him was really one big bluff. I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t. After school I showed up on the playfield; there were no adults around at that time of day. John was there, as were a group of bystanders to witness and egg us on. We stood looking at each other for a bit inside this ring. A fight didn't just break out as I’d imagined it might, as if it were something that happened like weather. We argued about which of us should start, and John insisted that I did. Not knowing what else to do, I punched him in the chest. He just stood there. I punched him again, and he encouraged me to continue since I was the one who wanted to fight. And then all the energy in my body drained away. Each punch I threw held less strength until I could barely lift my arm, and finally I broke down and left. That outcome took me completely by surprise. John, the pint-sized Gandhi, had shown me just how effective a non-violent response could be. He didn’t need to fight me to prove he was in the right. John must have believed that I could choose to stop—and he was right. A kid who is bullying can learn to make better choices. That’s why at Committee for Children we don’t identify children as “bullies” or “victims,” but as people engaging in (or targeted by) particular behaviors. We believe that kids are inherently good; they can become stuck in poor choices, but that change is always possible. Back when I was a kid, we were left to sort out things that were beyond us and that we lacked the maturity to handle. Young people need to be taught how to deal with bullying behaviors, and need support to feel safe and accepted. At the heart of bullying prevention are empathy and compassion. We assume that all kids want to be happy, be accepted, and belong to their school communities. I wish that I had not turned on John to create a sense of belonging for myself—but all these years later I am deeply grateful for his bravery, wisdom, and compassionate action.