Coping with Life’s Challenges | By: Committee for Children Coping with the demands of everyday life can sometimes be difficult. I am reminded of that when I think about the experiences of my friends and colleagues just in the past month: death of a loved one, loss of a job, car problems, job interview, illness, selling a house, and a divorce. Such challenges can be especially trying without healthy coping mechanisms. Virginia Satir once communicated this when she said, “Problems are not the problem. Coping is the problem.” No matter how small or large the problem, effective coping requires a certain skill set, and even for those who possess that skill set, it is often not easy. Life requires many different types of coping, such as coping with stress, anger, change, fear, anxiety or loss, and a strong set of positive coping mechanisms can be useful for any of these situations. There is debate about how and why some people are better able to manage tough situations than others. I tend to believe these abilities are primarily learned, and they can be acquired at an early age. One example of this was when I saw a mother yell at her daughter about putting money in the wrong meter and causing their car to be towed. The daughter calmly replied by suggesting she take some deep breaths and then showing her how she learned to do deep breathing in school. The example above shows the power of teaching children to cope through instruction, modeling, and practice. Providing these kinds of learning opportunities for children and teens can better prepare them for facing various challenges throughout life, such as a disagreement with a friend, taking a test, moving to a new school, not having enough money, or dealing with bullying. It can also help empower them by building their resilience and improving their self-confidence and problem-solving skills. How do we do that? Use an evidence-based program to teach and model self-management (such as the Second Step program) Ask adults and role models to share personal examples and stories of how they used healthy coping skills to manage tough situations Practice, practice, and more practice. Give multiple opportunities for students to try out their new skills When approached about a difficult situation, give them the ideas and strategies if needed, but avoid handling it for them Talk children through problems they may encounter and give them opportunity to discuss how they might deal with those situations Share and model additional ideas for coping: http://www.thehelpfulcounselor.com/18-coping-skills-strategies-for-children-and-teens/ Lorna Luft once said, “I choose not to think of my life as surviving, but coping.” One never knows what will happen tomorrow or next week, but it will likely involve some challenges and stressors. We can help give youth the capacity to manage these times, see themselves as capable of handling them, view them as opportunities rather than catastrophes, and not give up when times are tough. We can teach and nurture active coping—an invaluable lifetime skill.